Life Once Lived, Once Lost
by Xana Vlec
Summary: "I'm a shinigami, boya." "What will that do to my brother?" "Kill him." "Take me instead." "Is that what you really want? You wouldn't live more than twenty years." Prussia makes a deal with a shinigami to save his brother's life, but at the cost of his own. Oneshots that follow the twenty years Prussia has left. Brotherly affections, nothing more.
1. Shinigamisama, doushite

Dreams do come true, if we only wish hard enough, You can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it.  
**James M. Barrie**

Oneshot 1: Shinigami-sama, doushite?

Gilbert wrung his hands in agitation. They'd been sitting out here for the past two hours already. He looked over towards his father anxiously to see the man pacing back and forth. Suddenly a loud crying noise came out of the room beside him.

Gilbert hopped out of his chair and went racing into the room. "It's a boy!" His father raced towards the woman laying weakly on the table and hovered over the newborn child. Gilbert stood frozen in the doorway. "What... Are you?" He asked softly.

A creature robed in black hovered on the other side of the bed. At the boy's question, the creature looked up from the newborn child. "Hm? Shouldn't that be obvious, boya?" The creature had a strangely feminine voice that resounded giving the illusion of an echo. It floated over the bed before stopping in front of Gilbert.

"I'm a shinigami, boya."A pale hand emerged from the darkness and caressed the boy's cheek. "Hmm.. I can touch you then? What a waste that you weren't chosen by now." The shinigami sighed before turning away from the albino back to the boy. "I might as well go back to what I came here for anyways."

It began moving towards the newborn child before Gilbert latched onto the hem of the dark robes. "Wait! What are you doing?" He asked desperately. Admittedly, Gilbert knew that he didn't know too much. But this... Shinigami couldn't be doing anything good for his brother.

"Ludwig! We'll call him Ludwig!" He faintly heard his father's voice in the background as he stared into the glowing red eyes of the shinigami.

"Possessing him, of course. Isn't that what we shinigami do anyways?"

"What will that do to my brother?" Gilbert clenched a fist.

"Kill him. At least in a year or so." The shinigami traced the newborn's forehead softly. "The younger ones normally don't last too long, but the older ones normally don't willingly accept us in. Only the ones that can see us can be possessed by us."

Ludwig raised his chubby arms up and grasped the shinigami's finger tightly.

Gilbert choked as he saw his father fawning over his new son. "Look how he's reaching out for me so early! Ludwig is really smart isn't he, my dear?"

"I can see you can't I? Take me instead."

"Hoh?" The shinigami pulled away from the infant and rushed over to the albino. She crouched down beside him and asked, "Would that really be what you want? After all, you probably wouldn't live more than twenty years. Your body's strong enough to last longer than his, but you'd still die prematurely."

Gilbert clamped his eyes shut. His red eyes looked over towards his father and his mother. Ludwig was getting all the love that he deserved. Something that he, himself, would never get. "Yes. This is what I want."

"Good boy."

**Recently I've been having these little ideas for oneshots. Strange thing is that I never do one shots. O.o They'll be all out in about 4 days tops and they'll probably all be tiny. I don't really expect anyone to read these, but I just felt like publishing them. xD If you're seeing this: Thanks so much for reading! :D**

**I've already written all of these out and they're pretty short. I'll just be updating these once per day until I'm done to stretch out my air time. /shameless advertising**


	2. A Brother

A brother shares childhood memories and grown-up dreams.  
**-Author Unknown**

Oneshot 2: A Brother

"Gilbert's rather attached to Ludwig isn't he?" A man asked.

"I think it's sweet of him. Gilbert's grown into a fantastic older brother." The woman added sweetly. They looked through the doorway towards the two boys that were sleeping on the couch. Well, one was asleep.

Gilbert looked at his brother quietly. Was it worth it to save his brother at the cost of his own life? Was it worth it to have that shinigami always coming back to tell him how much time he had left? He stroked his little brother's messy hair in thought.

"Gilbert?" Ludwig's still squeaky voice startled the albino out of his thoughts.

"Yes, Lud?"

"I love you." The little boy yawned widely before nestling back up to his elder brother.

"Love you too, Lud." Did he love him? Sometimes he couldn't help but look at his brother and see his murderer. Gilbert wrapped an arm around his younger brother before letting a frown crease his face. "Yeah...I love you too."

It was almost a lie.


	3. Opinions

I only tell you what I think, because I have lived longer and I have seen the world.  
I don't want you to see that place yet.

Oneshot 3: Opinions

"With all due respect, Gil, shut up. I don't care how awesome you think you are. You have no power over my life. My life is my own. Stop ordering me around!" Ludwig rubbed his head in irritation. "I'm not a kid anymore so you don't have to keep on acting like I am one."

Gilbert clenched his fist tightly as he stared at his younger brother. It was going to be like this was it? "I'm just trying to help you make the wisest choices, Lud."

"Stop calling me that." Ludwig snapped back. He took a deep breath before sighing. "Just let me make my own choices now, okay?"

Gilbert frowned slightly. Why didn't Ludwig understand? He was just trying to help his younger brother! He was going to be the one replacing him in only a few years. Was it that bad to try and create a legacy to follow him after his death?

Ludwig would be the one to feel all the things that he never would be able to. Ludwig would be able to fall in love. Gilbert never would. What kind of man would he be to fall in love when he knew that he'd only die in six years? He could never bring another such pain.

Ludwig would be able to have friends. Gilbert wouldn't. Ludwig could flourish into a strong leader like he'd always said he would. Gilbert wouldn't be able to see that happen. The only thing he would be able to do was give his brother the tools to succeed, but why was his younger brother resisting like this?

"I just want to help you. This... Hitler person isn't good for you to be around. Trust me." Gilbert took a step towards his younger brother only to have the younger pull back.

"What makes you think that? He's a leader. He's strong. He's something that I'll never be and he can change things, Gil! I thought you'd be able to see all of these things, but why don't you?" Ludwig laughed weakly. "You're always like this. Acting one way then talking a different way. You're just messing everything up!"

Gilbert froze. "I'm sick and tired of it!" Ludwig whirled around and marched quickly towards the door. He jerked the door open and walked halfway through it before pausing. "If you ever change your mind, talk to me. But now... I can't stand being around you."

And he left Gilbert there. The German was alone. "I suppose this is best, isn't it?" Gilbert ran a hand through his hair before whispering, "If he hates me he won't miss me when I'm gone."


	4. Didn't Care

As we grew up, my brothers acted like they didn't care,  
but I always knew they looked out for me and were there!  
**-Catherine Pulsifer**

Oneshot 3: Didn't care

"Why do you keep on doing this to yourself? Gil? Gil, look at me!" Ludwig's voice broke as he pleaded with his elder brother.

Gilbert's head lolled to the side as he stared quietly at his brother. They were dead eyes. Ludwig hated how empty they looked now. "What's wrong with you? You used to be so much more... Alive! Now look at you! Has there been a single day this past where you haven't come home drunk? Answer me, Gilbert!"

The boy's sullen face made Ludwig lose hope. "Time... There's too much yet not enough." Too much time to waste until he died. Too much time to think about that he would die. Yet there wasn't enough time to live so he wouldn't have to worry about dying. Three years left, was it? There wasn't enough time.

"What does that mean? For heaven's sakes, Gil! Get yourself together! Please... If it's about Hitler then I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, Gil, but please just come back! This isn't you... It isn't..." The last part came out as a whimper.

"I'm sorry, Ludwig. But, no." Gilbert rolled his head away from his younger brother before shutting his eyes again.

Ludwig hung his head and lets his hair fall into his eyes. "I'm sorry for yelling at you that time. I miss the times where you'd just call me Lud and how I'd yell at you. I miss when we'd argue over all the little things just for the sake of it. Come back... Come back to being that bossy brother that you used to be... I miss him."

Gilbert bit his lip tightly before cutting out, "That person doesn't exist anymore, Ludwig. He decided that being here wasn't worth the trouble anymore."

It irritated Ludwig. It irritated him how his brother was referring to himself as if he didn't exist. He did! He was living and breathing right in front of him!

Ludwig marched up to his brother and grabbed him firmly by the shoulder. "He is here! You are him aren't you? Don't give me anymore of his crap about him being dead. You're alive, Gil! I know you are!"

Gilbert looked up at his brother with a sad smile on his face before pointing to the clock. "Look at it. It's a countdown. It's a countdown until the day I die."

"Everyone dies, Gil! We all have to face it eventually, but that doesn't give you a darn reason to be acting like this! We don't know when we'll die and that's why we have to live life out as much as possible!" Ludwig shouted angrily.

'But I know when I will die, Little brother. That's the problem now isn't it?' Gilbert thought silently.

**I just wanted to say I really appreciate all of the reviews. ;3; It makes me so happy that people like this!**


	5. Closeness and Distance

Sibling relationships - and 80 percent of Americans have at least one - outlast marriages, survive the death of parents, resurface after quarrels that would sink any friendship. They flourish in a thousand incarnations of closeness and distance, warmth, loyalty and distrust.  
** -Erica E. Goode**

Final Oneshot: Closeness and Distance

Ludwig hunched over the hospital bed with tears threatening to show in his eyes. He looked to the side to see messy white hair strewn over the even paler white sheets. Red eyes dully stared into the ceiling above. The only sign of life was the telltale rising and falling of his brother's chest.

"Gil... I'm sorry for yelling at you... Just get better, please." His plea was not heard.

"It's finally that time, is it?" Ludwig's head whipped up to see a black figure descending through the ceiling. "Mmm. It's been so long! Ah wait...You can see me as well?" The shinigami tilted its head to the side before making a sound of exclamation. "Ah! It's you! That Ludwig boya, right? Oh how you've grown! I'm so glad that he decided to save you! It would have been so sad to rob the world of a guy like you."

The shinigami reached forward and poked him gently in the forehead. She recoiled back with a giggle before looking towards Gilbert. "His time's up though. He's really just living off the time you're buying for him by talking to me."

"Don't touch him!" Ludwig shot up from his chair and slapped away the hand of the shinigami who rolled back through the air with a laugh.

"You think you can really do anything?" Her face fell into a frown before growling out, "Don't make me laugh."

Ludwig froze at the coldness in her voice. "I'm a death god, you have nothing on me, boya. Now sit." His legs crumpled beneath him as he sunk back into the chair.

"Why are you taking him from us? He should have so much more time left..." The doctors had told them all that nothing was physically wrong with him, but he was just... dying.

"His records say he would have lived until he was in his 80's. But then you came along."

"Me?" Confusion was evident in his voice.

"Yes, you. You see, this boya here." She gestured at Gilbert. "Is my feed right now. I need human life energy to survive. Originally you were going to be my food." Ludwig couldn't help but feel disgust. Feeding on humans? Feeding, on his brother?

"But then your dear brother stepped in for you. Heh. You couldn't have lived longer than a year I think. Your life now is time your brother bought for you. But nothing can be bought without having something be lost." The shinigami laughed cruelly before placing a hand over Gilbert's mouth. Ludwig tried to move, but found he couldn't as he watched his brother slowly suffocate.

"Stop!" But then he was gone. The slow rise and fall of Gilbert's chest had stopped. "No... Gil! You can't leave me! Not after all of this! Please forgive me! GIL! " Ludwig screamed in despair, but his voice was no longer heard by the one he wanted most.

**I know my other subscribers are going: WHY DID YOU MAKE ONESHOTS? /kicks  
I'm sorry. ;3; I'll update soon. I just had inspiration. I'm a bad person.  
I dunno if I should write more Hetalia. I've only seen the fanfiction and the fanart... Pretty sad, huh? Opinions would be adored, but thanks for reading all of these! |D**

**p.s. Do you all think I represented the characters well enough? I've been tossing ideas for stories around in my head, but I want to make sure I understand the characters before I march off like a loony. Thank you!**

**-Xana**


	6. Something of You

A friend who dies, it's something of you who dies.  
**Gustave Flaubert**

"I'm sorry, Ludwig. I really am." Roderich's words fell on deaf ears. All the German could do was stare at the slab of stone on the ground. Beneath that stone was Gilbert. His 'dearly departed' brother.

The thunder clapped overhead as the skies wept for the loss of his brother. A noble soul was making its final journey. Guilt enveloped Ludwig's heart. Gilbert wouldn't have been dead if not for him. The shinigami had said so, Gilbert would have lived until his eighties. Now he was dead and it was all Ludwig's fault.

If asked, Ludwig wasn't even sure if he could tell why he was guilty. Was he guilty for existing? He wasn't at the age where he could have stopped Gilbert from doing anything, but it was still his fault. "Thank you, Roderich." Ludwig mumbled incoherently to the man beside him. He knew it was rude since Roderich and Gilbert had been friends in their earlier days, but he didn't care much at the moment. All that mattered was the man six feet under.

Ludwig had never really regretted much in his life. The experience with Hitler had made him stronger. The struggles with Feliciano and Kiku had made him a better person. One thing he did regret was how he treated his brother in his final years.

He remembered with disdain how he had told his brother to back off. Gilbert, he... Ludwig froze at the thought. If Gilbert knew he was dying then he really was trying to have a living legacy. Ludwig covered his mouth with his hand. Gilbert wasn't even twenty then. He was already thinking of a legacy after him? It was too early, far, far too early.

The tears he had staunched began to flow once more at all the memories. He had always rejected Gilbert and told him to stay interfering. Now he felt so stupid for saying those things. They were some of Gilbert's only selfish wishes. Could he have just given in to his brother just once and followed his lead? Oh if only time could reverse itself and if he could return back to the days when he brother was still alive. He wanted to say he was sorry, but there was no way for Gilbert to hear.

Ludwig dropped to his knees and grasped the wet stone weakly with his hands. "Forgive me for being so foolish, Gilbert. You were right about so many things. So many things that I ignored in favor of being foolish. I don't know if you can hear me anymore, but if you do... Please, forgive me."

Silence was all that answered him.

**Yes, I thought this series was over! Yuugi Arry inspired me to write three more oneshots so I'll try to get these out in the next few days, da? ;) Hope you enjoy!**


	7. Last a Life Time

"Life gives us brief moments with another...but sometimes in those brief moment we get memories that last a life time..."  
**-Anonymous**

Ludwig knew his time on the earth was coming to an end. He knew it was bound to happen ever since Feliciano had died a few years prior. The blonde hair that had once been so vibrant was now a muted gray. His commanding blue eyes were now a misty gray as his eyesight faded away into oblivion. He supposed this was what happened when people got old.

His mind briefly wandered over to his brother. Well, if he had been any positive impact on his brother, he allowed him live his entire life to the fullest. It probably would have driven him completely mad to be stuck in a chair or a bed all day while nurses tended to him. Well, perhaps he wouldn't have minded the nurses. Ludwig chuckled slightly at that.

The smile soon fell away and he frowned once more. He had never really gotten over the fact that he was the reason why his brother was dead. Things always came up that reminded him about Gilbert. Whenever he saw a bird chirping outside of the window he was constantly reminded of his brother's canary that he kept when he was a child. He had eventually given the bird away because "it was getting too attached".

It wasn't only that, but sometimes he saw the shinigami. Now that Gilbert was gone, she did need more people to feed on. Once and awhile he'd see her at work, he did work at a hospital after all. He had cursed her whenever he saw her because he knew before anyone else that the child would be dead within a year. It was a premonition of death that his fellows wondered at, but it always pained him to see it. Because there was absolutely nothing he could do to save the life.

Now the doctor became the doctored. He could say that he had lived a full life. He had to live for both himself and Gilbert after all. His brother wouldn't have wanted him sad after sacrificing his life. It would have been a waste if all Ludwig did was mope in a corner.

A wracking cough jolted Ludwig out of his thoughts and a fog entered his mind. Out of the two brothers, he would be the second to experience death. Ludwig wondered if it would be peaceful or if it would be like his brother's, being suffocated until suddenly there was nothing. Ludwig closed his eyes and leaned back into the nursing bed.

And then, he went into his forever sleep.


	8. Every Reunion

Every parting is a form of death, as every reunion is a type of heaven.  
**-Tryon Edwards**

Gilbert looked down through the clear water with a small smile on his face. "It's a boy!" How many years ago had it been since he had once heard his father say those words. An image of a small boy with little tufts on blonde hair appeared in the pool. Gilbert's pale fingers reached out to touch only to have the picture dissipate in a ripple.

The albino sighed and withdrew his hand. He waved his hand over the water and continued looking through the hospital. Colors and shapes whirled in the water before they stopped at one door. He tilted his head to the side. Why was he being shown this? He looked more carefully at the reflection when he noticed the name on the bedside: Ludwig Beilschmidt.

Gilbert froze. That was right. Ludwig had to be at least in his eighties now. It was about time for his brother to experience death as well. A frown lit his face. He had subtly been trying to avoid watching over his brother over the past four years. Ludwig had begun wilting away much like how their father had years before. It was much too painful to watch something like happened to a loved one.

He scrunched his eyes up to better see the clipboard when suddenly his features fell. Ludwig Beilschmidt, deceased as of 8 am of this morning. The messy scrawl contained words that could not be mistaken. But... If Ludwig was dead then where was he?

Gilbert bolted up from the pool and looked around. He had to be here somewhere! "Lud!" Some of the other fallen looked at Gilbert strangely as the albino shot past in an effort to look for his brother. It was then that he saw the blonde hair. It was that ever present slicked back blonde hair that only his brother had the gumption to wear.

"Lud!" Gilbert yelled. The man in question turned around and blue eyes widened shock. Soon the shock left him and tears prickled at the corners of Ludwig's eyes.

"Gil.." Ludwig wrapped his arms around his brother and clung to Gilbert tightly as he began to cry. "Gil, Gil..." He repeated the name over as if it were a mantra and hid his head in his brother's shoulder.

Gilbert gave a serene smile and rubbed a hand through Ludwig's meticulously done hair. "I hate to say it, but you're exactly the same as I remember you. You use way too much money on hair products you know."

Ludwig gave a choked sob. It was so like his brother to comment on his hair at a time like this. "You can't ever be serious can, you? Depression, frustration, and anger you can do, but I don't think I've ever seen you serious." He spoke softly and squeezed his elder brother tight. Things like this, it was the Gilbert that he had known years before he had died. It was if the Gilbert he had known mere years before the albino's death had never existed.

"Ahhh. I can be serious if I want to, Lud! The time has just never presented itself." Gilbert pulled back from the hug and rested his forehead against Ludwig's. He looked his little brother in the eyes and whispered. "I missed you, Lud."

Ludwig let a smile cross his face as he breathed out. "I missed you too, Gil."

**This is the legit ending. xD I might do a series based off this, but now the one-shots are really done. I hope you all enjoyed them as much I enjoyed writing them! Love you all!**


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